Merciful Pain

We are imperfect people following a perfect God. 

My home church, Red Rocks, says the above saying a lot and it always reminds me how we are such messy people. Life can be painful. God loves us too much to leave us in some places or to allow us to keep towers/idols in our lives. Out of her mercy and grace he allows pain to happen. I was reading in Francis Chan's book Forgotten God and thought his reminder of C.S. Lewis's words were quite perfect for my thoughts.  

The Holey Spirit of God will mold you into the person you were made to be. This often incredibly painful process strips you of selfishness, pride, and fear. For a powerful example of this, read in C.S. Lewis's book The Voyage of the Dawn Treader about the boy, Eustance, who becomes a dragon. In order to become a little boy again. He must undergo a tremendous amount of pain as the dragon skin is peeled away and torn from him. Only after he endures this painful process is he truly transformed from a dragon back into a boy. 

(Francis Chan, Forgotten God, pg 50 & 51)

Sometimes following God can be painful. I can't always say that I love learning the lessons that God allows me to have.. but I do know that I have grown a lot from them. One of the repercussions of losing my car is I had to learn how to ask and receive help from other for some of the simplest tasks. I soon realized that I had built up my car as a tower in my life and God, out of his mercy, stripped me of self-reliance, pride, and so much more. It was and is a painful simple process that has taught me how to be thankful for the goodness of the Lord and what He has provided for me.

Simple... Yet... somehow painful. 

Struggles.

These last few weeks have been rough.
What does it mean to plan? To have desires for the future? Vision?

During the summer, I was so sure that I would be coming home and learning how to live in the Sierra Nevada's after 5+ years in CO. Heh. "We make plans but the Lord determines our steps." I cannot count how many times I've heard this verse and wanted to cling to it so deeply yet slightly frustrated.  At this time in my life, I feel that I am supposed to know what I'm going to do and begin it. aka... A career.
Let me tell you a little scecret... I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO.

I mean... in general, I do... I would love to have a horse ministry near mountains....  It would involve education... Struggling hearts... animals... hard work... *Sigh* Yes, I know that there are so many options out there but... Anyway. These are some of the struggles my own heart is facing.

God is good.
Amen. 

Desire & Approval

It's been over a year. Yep. I've written on the other blog about my life journey, and I decided that this one would be about my life lessons. 

This time I'm writing about what I remembered when reading back through sermon journal entries of this winter. Specifically, the one I was thinking of is about seeking approval. There are times when I catch myself trying to please man instead of God and I frustration mixed with relief flow through this memory. 

At Reality Stockton(RS) Josh started Genesis. He talked about multiple facets of the beginning but the one point that is sticking out to me in this moment is this: We, as humans, have sought approval from the very beginning. In the garden, God stated over us: You are good. Thus starting our desire to affirmation. The hard thing is that the fall happened. Affirmation came from, and was sought from, people. If I can remember that God already spoke over me, and still speaks over me, the benediction, "you are good," I can walk and live with so much more freedom. 

Also, ladies... Genesis 3:16 talks about how our desire will be for our husband. Give yourself some grace when you fall for a guy. I realized that even whoever is in my future, he is my desire and whenever I start understanding why I do things, I have so much more grace and love for myself. No wonder there is so much war inside heads and hearts about love. God made it perfect, we screwed it up. 

Take away: 

God says, "you are good my child." 

Live in that.

Walk in that. 

To the woman he said,

"I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; 

with painful labor you will give birth to children.

your desire will be for your husband,

and he will rule over you."

Genesis 3:16